I had a terrible weekend.
Actually, my weekend wasn't too bad. I turned 30 on Saturday. I love that I am 30. For me, thirty is good. I am content with who I am. I know what I want from life. I am secure with my inner self. What I am not okay with is my weight.
I am overweight by a lot. I said earlier that I wanted to lose about 35 pounds. I really need to lose at least 50 to be considered a "healthy weight". According to my BMI, I am obese.
Obese. What an ugly word. What an ugly feeling.
I don't "see" myself as obese, but that is the reality.
A reality that is scary. I went shopping for some non maternity pants. I am on the cusp of needing to shop in the plus size section. The section that sells elastic waisted pants. I don't want to be there. I never thought I would be. I don't "feel" plus sized. Perhaps that is the scary part.
Whats worse is, I know better. My major in college was nutrition, and fitness education. It is embarrassing to tell people that. One would never guess. I know all the problems my body can face. Diabetes, hypertension, and heart attack to name a few. I have three good reasons to take care of my health. They are 3, 2, and 2 months old.
They deserve a healthy mother. They deserve a healthy life themselves.
So here I am, ready for this journey. I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy. It is going to be hard. I will have to work at it every day. I can and will succeed at this. I have to. My life depends on it.